When I picked up Jake from the daycare on Tuesday he had a nasty cough. "Just a leftover from the last cold" I tried to convince myself, but it became worse as we made our way back home. On the bus, one of the other moms in the neighbourhood noticed how sick he looked and we both shrugged our shoulders knowing this is a common thing to happen to a four year old. She has twins and ought to know afterall. Well two days later and he seems on the mend, but I have been stuck at home and am going stir crazy. I keep chiding myself for not wanting to get more involved in his young life, but I have reached a point of saturation, where the cute, inviting books, games and videos for preschoolers are starting to become tedious for my pseudo-intellectual mind. Surely bathing, feeding,cuddling, and allowing him to watch movies while he recovers should be enough, but I know I should be doing more. My mother would have whipped out the flashcards and would have had me writing my name between bites of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup. I just can't. I am restless and am missing my co-workers and friends and am spending time on e-mail, Facebook and Google in the hope of finding some snippet of contact with the outside world. Today is regrettably a slow day. Luckily I am not alone. http://www.truedadconfessions.com/ is part of group of websites devoted to allowing people to confess their "sins" anonymously. Other sites include:
I "confess" to having used the office confessions site on more than one occasion and you know what, it feels good! Sometimes you just have to push your inner thoughts out. It's actually a cathartic experience. Posters have admitted to using their workday for everything from masturbation to childish pranks, and some of the declarations on both this and the other sites are funny but often painful to read, especially if they ring true personally. There is talk of discontentment, disappointment, resentment, and infidelity, and the end result is not judgement, but that we are merely human, trying to make sense of a society that places constraints on our behavior that act in conflict with human nature and primate behavior. Others reveal with honesty the dilemna of the modern person- from Dr. Spock to Baby Einstein, parenting over the last 50 years has created several generations of selfish and self-absorbed kids who don't grow up, but still have to share their lives with families, friends and co-workers who have the same problem. It's likely the reason why so many people I know are single and so many couples I knew are now divorced. We don't worship God, or our country anymore, we are devoted entirely to self-love. How many times does the average Canadian say in a day "I do so much for them and they don't appreciate it." How can we when we don't think of anyone but ourselves? I shouldn't be blogging right now - I should be upstairs with Jake reading to him or watching the awful kids movie I allowed him to see. I just can't help but wish I was out in the sun going for a long walk and taking a few photos of the early Fall we seem to have in Montreal this year. Ok, the movie has ended and he wants my attention. I can't resist his smile.